September 2009 Archives

Life Is Insecurity

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Tomorrow morning, Jolanta and Nara will arrive at Kansai Airport. The X-Day has come at last! When Dr. Noda first told me about this project last summer, he was abroad and I was in Japan, preparing my lecture for the International Congress. He told me that I would be in charge of all the matter of it. Yes, I did many chores under his instruction; some negotiation with Jolanata, advertisement of this project to Japanese Adlerians, coordination of schedule in the districts, overseas remittaces, renting a room for them, etc. I do not think it troublesome at all, because everything had come one by one, not at a time. However, I do not feel it real that they are coming actually. I feel as if I am in a dream, a good dream of course. I am not certain that everything has been prepared enough, but I think it will be going all right. People who are going to support us will support us.
This morning I read this phrase by chance.

Life is insecurity. Each moment is a move into more and more insecurity. It is a gamble. One never knows what is going to happen. And it is beautiful that one never knows. If it was predictable, life would not be worth living. If everything was as you would like it to be, and everything was certain, you would not be a man at all, you would be a machine. Only for machines is everything secure and certain.
       from THE ART OF DYING by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

Message from Osho is always true. Yes, anything can happen from now. This is certainly a gamble, both for us and for them, but I am sure we can enjoy the uncertainty.

An Errand to Consulate

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Yesterday I went to the Honorary Consulate of the Republic of Latvia in Osaka for preparing the arrival of Jolanta and Nara. The Embassy of the Republic of Latvia in Japan is in Tokyo, and there is no Consulate of Latvia in Japan except "Honorary" Consulates. There are three of them, in Osaka, in Hokkaido, and in Okinawa. I do not exactly know what "honorary" means, but some business leader in the districts may take the position, I guess. For example, the honorary consul of Latvia in Osaka is a leader of a big housing company.
I had called the consulate several times and they told me to come at two o'ckock. Fortunately, one of my friends, who is a committee member of the Japanese Society of Adlerian Psychology, went with me. It is a rare opportunity for me (for her too?) to visit the elite in a big company for a business purpose and talk with them. We prepared and brought our business cards which we had never used before, and exchanged them with the secretaries of the Honorary Consulate. We told them about our intention for inviting two Latvian ladies to Japan and gave them our schedule, in case anything would happen during their stay in Japan. They gave us very beautiful leaflets and a DVD which would introduce us Latvian people, climate, landscape and sightseeing places. Perhaps you will watch and enjoy the DVD at the Congress in Kochi.
After thirty minutes' business talk, we left the consulate and found ourselves being exhausted. We went immediately to a nearby cake shop that attracted us so strongly. You know, taking some sweets with a friend is the best way to recover!

Chove en Santiago

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This is the title of a song by Luar na Lubre from Galicia, Spain. They play melodious and impressive music with Celtic instruments. While I was attending ASMI, a four-days meditation workshop led by Dr. Noda, he played CD of this song. It was sung with Portuguese, so I could not understand what they were singing. All I knew was that Santiago was a sacred city in Galicia, a famous pilgrimage place.
Before ASMI, I went to worship Geku (Outer shrine) of Ise. The place was in the midst of the anciet woods. The sacred spirits was covering the whole area of the shrine, and it made me feel chilly. People have been worshipping that which never die for about 2,000 years. They believe in it and pray it even now. They bow their heads sincerely before the white cloth which shuts out the view of the sacred building. I guess for the people in the old days, a trip for worship at Ise Grand Shrine was a risk for life. I was deeply moved by the religious spirit of Japanese people.

luanalubre1.jpgSantiago may be one of the special places for Galician people, as sacred as Ise for Japanese people. Listening to this song in the meditation, as it was sung by man and woman vocals, I saw a man and a woman in white clothes praying, kneeling on the dry, sterile earth in Spain.
This is what I am going to do, I thought. I want to know that which never die, the thin thread which goes through life and death. All religions have been teaching us we are all naught, for we are all mortal beings.

A Huge Duck!

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Today I met three clients and finished counseling work at five thirty. It became cool in the evening and I felt like walking along the Tosabori River. It seemed there was some event in the area between Tosabori and Dojima rivers.
The paths along the rivers were under construction for a long time which almost completed to be paved tidily. I walked from Naniwa-Bridge to Temma-Bridge, strolling and enjoying the evening landscape. Along the river, they were doing an event called Aqua Metropolis Osaka 2009. It is held from August 22 to October 12 for 52 days. I did never know it because I do not read the newspapers. This evening, there were not many visitors who came to the event, whereas there were many staffs; perhaps most of them were volunteer staffs and a few of them were people from the Osaka City hall. There were many show booths by artists who were making something.... For example, I saw a man making a big sand castle (precise sand Osaka Castle!), and a group of men was making dinosaur with used pet bottles....

ducky1.JPGI saw many strange things, like this picture. It was floating on the river near the Keihan Temma-Bridge Station and they called it "floating duck." The wind was cool and the sky in the west was beautiful, and the huge yellow duck looked so stupid and funny! People of Osaka sometimes do strange things.


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I have been thinking of how I felt love from the written sentences. I had never met Osho Rajneesh in the flesh, but I felt that I actually listened to his voice. All my knowledge of Osho, his voice, his posture, and his way of speaking, was got from audio and video tapes.
I first knew Osho in the workshop of ASMI, 2002. That was also my first experience of the meditation workshop in Adler Guild. Dr. Noda was the leader, and he told us many anecdotes of mystics. He talked something about Osho too. I asked him something, and he lent me a huge book, "MY WAY; The Way of the White Clouds". It was a Japanese translation of his discourses in early 1970's. After reading it, I asked Dr. Noda again to lend me the original book. He lent me the even heavier English book of MY WAY and all fifteen or sixteen audio tapes of his voice. I continued listening to the tapes whenever I was on the train to and from Adler Guild, and on the bus to and from my children's schools. His English had the strong Indian accent, but one of the teachers in my college was from India and it reminded me of that vice-professor. I could hardly catch the meaning without seeing the original book, and to say the truth, I often fell asleep hearing his discourse as a lullaby. Being not aware of the preciousness of it, I copied all those tapes into my MDs.
After that, I have been always interested in meditation and Osho Rajneesh, but I had never thought of taking sannyas myself. It happened in 2004. I cannot explain it myself, but I had met Osho through Ma Prem Shunyo, and became Osho's sannyasin. Now I remember the days when his voice soaked into my unconsciousness. Those were the percious days that decided my way thereafter.

Ego and Fear

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The picture and the verse were on one of the slides I saw in the Spiritual Work. The original verse was in Japanese and I translated it into English. I think the workshop took place somewhere in the south part of Osaka in autumn, 2005.

ego.JPGEgo fears for the land unknown,
Enclosing the range of already known,
Creating conflicts between out and in,
Only acquires imaginary peace of mind.

As you see, this cute rabbit represented our ego, who believed it safe in its imaginary territory. Yes, I agree that we are all like this silly rabbit who enjoys life by ignoring the outside world.
However, it was very difficult to abandon this ignorance. Ego is so big that I often feel it is impossible for me to be egolessness. Although not always, it is very fearful to step outside and go into the unknown land. I sometimes become a coward who thinks the world is dangerous and I do not have enough ability to cope with it, especially when the big task has come on me. So, it is much easier to live life if you withdraw into your own land and forget the fearful wolf.

This morning, in reading THE ART OF DYING, this phrase struck me.

As we move in time, dust of experiences, of knowledge, of lived life, of past, collects. That dust becomes our ego. Accumulated, it becomes a crust around you which has to be broken and thrown away. One has to take a bath continuously ― every day, in fact every moment, so that this crust never becomes a prison.

I had mistaken ego as a kind of permanent armour, a concrete wall. No, it is not so. Ego accumulates in every occasion, which is inevitable. But ego is dust, a crust, a fragile hedge, as in the picture. Perhaps every moment, the rabbit re-creates the hedge...then we can break it down before it grows thicker! It depends on my decision here and now. If once we became conscious of the foolishness of all in it, we might have broken it any moment.


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Dr. Noda has given me a pot of young Banyan tree, whose name is Hikokuro. It is a clone of his Banyan tree named Hikoshiro. These names are come from Japanese famous devotees of Emperors. According to Dr. Noda, Hikoshiro Murakami was a loyal samurai who devoted his life for Prince Moriyoshi at the end of Kamakura era, and Hikokuro Takayama was a loyal intellectual who influenced many samurais at the end of Edo era. You can see a picture of Hikoshiro and its clone, Hikokuro, when it was very young.

kuro.JPGNow Hikokuro (Hiko-clone) came to my house and is growing healthily. New shiny leaves are budding, and the dark green of the old leaves as well as fresh green of the buds please my eyes.
I have heard there is a myth in Okinawa. Under a very old Banyan tree, there lives a spirit called Kijimunaa. It looks like either an old man or an old tree. I want this Hikokuro grow as big as Kijimunaa can visit, and hope to make friends with it.
It has been raining from morning today, and the wind is slightly cold. Autumn has come so rapidly this year. I, an overprotecting mother as always, put the pots of green plants into my room hurriedly.

Feeling His Breath

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I started reading a book of Osho Rajneesh, THE ART OF DYING this morning. It starts like this.

Life is in living.

How beautiful...! Reading it slowly,"Life is in living,"and I instantly felt like crying. I am wrapped by his love, and this feeling causes the utmost tranquility, serenity in me. It continues:

Life is in living. It is not a thing, it is a process. There is no way to attain to life except by living it, except by being alive, by flowing, streaming with it. If you are seeking the meaning of life in some dogma, in some philosophy, in some theology, that is the sure way to miss life and meaning both.
Life is not somewhere waiting for you, it is happening in you. It is not in the future as a goal to be arrived at, it is herenow, this very moment――in your breathing, circulating in your blood, beating in your heart. Whatsoever you are is your life, and if you start seeking meaning somewhere else, you will miss it. Man has done that for centuries.

This rhythm! What I missed in the edited book was this rhythm in his speaking. If you are interested in meditation, you may know about "herenow," "process," or "seek inside" intellectually, but without the guru's breath, these words would not penetrate you. Feeling, or experiencing the Guru, may be the ultimate key. And if we grow this ability, anything will be the guru.... Any plant, any flower, any creature will be.

Feel the Guru's Breath

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I have finished reading a book of Osho Rajneesh, THE WHITE LOTUS. It was a collection of Osho's discourses on Bodhidharma. I have been reading one or two pages every day, so it took more than six months to finish reading. What shall I read next in the morning meditation? One book on my bookshelf attracted me. The title was "MATURITY: The Responsibility of Being Oneself" by Osho. Don't you think it fits us Adlerians? So, I started reading it...but somehow, it did not fit me at all and it was very rare. The sentences written on the pages were exactly by Osho, full of intellect and wisdom, and I could understand the meanings. However, I could not feel his breath. Whenever I read his books, I was moved by his atmosphere, his aura, his presence. Perhaps it is the edited book, not a collection of his discourses. There is no face-to-face relationship between a master and a disciple, nor intimacy, love. Oh yes, this is the first and the most special treasure for me in reading Osho: The sense of love. His words bring us knowledge and intellect on life and meditation, but words are the second thing. I do not like to be clever in meditation. Clever in meditation.... Gosh, this phrase is self-contradictory! I want to feel his presence, so I will choose other book. Maybe this book can be read on the train.

Sleepy Days

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The day before yesterday, my daughter came almost at midnight. She had a trip to Nagasaki with her friends, and she came to me directly from the station of the Bullet Train. She was very excited of her trip and had many things to talk about, so she did not let me sleep till three o'clock in the morning. Yesterday, we slept late of course, and we went shopping and spent happy time together. At eight o'clock in the evening, my son came to supper, and as always, young people did not readily go to bed. We finally went to bed at one o'clock.
This morning, my daughter had reserved an early bus from Sannnomiya to Tottori. She would be late for her part-time job if she missed the bus. So I got up at six, prepared breakfast, and woke up my children. After they went out at seven, I went to work. To say the truth, I was very drowsy on the morning train.
As the inconvenient things always occur coincidentally, one of my colleagues at the clinic had a severe stomachache. She came to work in the morning but went home in thirty minutes. When the work was finally over in the evening, I was exhausted. I dozed off on the homeward train and bus, and lay in bed for a while at home. However, eating supper made me fresh. I am afraid that I have become old enough to be easily tired.... I should be careful not to keep pace with young people though I want to be with them as long as possible.

Birthday Present

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Last night my daughter came to my house and stayed all day. We did not have anything special to do today and it is a rare thing. Her 24th birthday will come soon, and she is going to a honeymoon at the end of this month. She said she wanted new shoes which would not hurt her when walking long, and which could match with both her casual pants and non casual dress. I proposed to her that I would buy new shoes for her birthday present.

shoes.JPGSo, we went shopping together in the afternoon to the nearby department store. As you may guess, it was difficult to fulfill her demands, but finally she found neat pumps designed by asics for long walking. They were very soft and fit her, and would not hurt her feet. I am very glad that I could buy a good present. Perhaps she will walk on the stone pavements in Europe wearing these pumps.
She will stay at my house tonight again, and my son will also come this evening. I am cooking curry and preparing salad and French baguette. It will be a happy evening.

A Box of Pears

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Every year my daughter in Tottori goes to a part-time job to an orchard of 20th Century Pears. She covers the pears with paper bags in early summer, she says. And every summer, she asks me to buy a box of pears from that orchard. She insists that the pears in that ocrhard are the best and the sweetest, so I had been buying them in these years. In fact, they are juicy and tasty, and I like this autumn fruit. However, as she got married now, she has sent me a box of good pears without asking me to buy this year. Perhaps her husband told her to send a gift to me. What a nice, mature partner he is!
This evening I went to my parents' house in order to share these pears. They were very glad to receive fruit from their granddaughter, so that they would send a present in return. Yes, I too will return her something. Does she catch a big fish with small bait? Indeed!

Happy Raccoons

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Dr. Noda likes drawing cartoons. I think he is very good at it in a sense. As he wrote in his blog, he seems to be a little urgent to earning money now. We are now advertising his Special Lecture and Practice of Encouragement at Yokohama in September and at Osaka in December, so many e-mails, fax, and letters come to me. I answer the inquiries, send e-mails and mails, and make and manage the applicants' lists. Dr. Noda holds his bank book by himself and checks the receipt of money from the applicants. Almost every evening, he sends me fax, reporting the bank income to me. When the account increases, he adds the report a picture of a happy raccoon dog(s), and when it does not increase, he adds a picture of a sad raccoon dog(s). When happy, his raccoons usually play musical instruments such as a piano, a flute, a tuba, a trumpet, drums, and a guitar. When sad, they throw out the instruments, and weep violently. When very happy, they dance under the moon, and even go fishing! See the pictures below. I always enjoy these raccoons' expressions. Although my boss is worrying about the economy of our office, it is not my business.... He is the brain, and I am his hands and feet to work.


Atsuko Suga

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Dr. Shinichi Fukuoka, the scientist of molecular biology I mentioned before, had referred to a writer Atsuko Suga who had passed away ten years ago. As his explanation on her was so impressive, I immediately bought two of her books. Perhaps I am a person who blindly obeys someone I put credit on. I feel Shinichi Fukuoka is reliable as far as the field of literature and arts.
Atsuko Suga was born in Hanshin district in 1929, the same year my mother was born. Later her family moved to Tokyo and she graduated from Seishin University. I guess her family might be very rich, for she went abroad to study just after WWⅡ, in Paris, Rome, and Milan. She got married to an Italian intellectual, lived happily in Milan for five years until it was ended by her husband's sudden death. However, she kept on living in Milan, keeping close contact with his family and friends.
suga.jpgAfter 13 years' unforgettable stay in Milan, she returned to Japan and did very good jobs on translation and taught comparative literature in university. Her first book was published in 1990 when she was already 61 years old, and astonishingly, that first book got the Kodansha Prize for the Best Essayist. It was regretful that she died in eight years afterward, though she left many impressive essays with brilliance and softness.
I have just finished reading one of her books...and I cannot call it an essay. The style of writing is in fact an essay, but it is more like reading a good short story. The description of people around her was vivid and lively as if we are in the midst of the scene, just like a movie. Many times I felt like crying on a bus or on a train, reading her stories. I want to write something about it, but I feel I am not yet prepared for it now. The picture is Atsuko Suga and her husband, Peppino.

Talk With My Father

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This evening I called my parents' house. Mother was taking a bath at the moment, and Father received the phone. It is rare that I talk with him on the phone. Usually Mother receives the phone and she seldom changes to Father as far as I do not ask her to change. I reported that I visited my brother yesterday, but Father had already been hearing it. He knew too that I had given a necktie to Brother, and he told me that Brother said he liked it. I told him that my daughter sent me a box of pears and I was going to bring some to his house soon. When I asked him to be careful not to catch a cold, he said he had bought up some boxes of masks at the nearby home center. His voice sounded light and happy. Perhaps he was glad to receive my phone and monopolize it unexpectedly. As for me, his serene voice soothed me much, and after I hung up the phone I felt warmth long in my heart.

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This page is an archive of entries from September 2009 listed from newest to oldest.

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